Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
