One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
