You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
