put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
