It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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