I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
