I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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