none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
