time to smoke my breakfast
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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