Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
