Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
