Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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