Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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