Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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