"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
