Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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