Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
