I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
