We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
