How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
