Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
