I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
