like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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