Christians are straight up FREAKS
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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