Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
