Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
