I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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