I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Randomize