apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
