he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's like heaven, but drunker
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
