pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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