she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
