so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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