Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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