Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
