my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
