glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
