I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
