I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
