tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was confusing and full of hummus
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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