As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
