I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Houston, we have a blender
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
