He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
