It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
