1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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