we have pet lesbian snakes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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