she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
40s are totally the cure
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
