If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
