So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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