I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
