I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
