you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
