Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
