I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
