Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
