he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
