I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
