If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
