Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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