I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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