Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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