you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
