I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
