Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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