Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
