Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Still dying that you shit outside
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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