1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
