The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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