people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
