The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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