she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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