I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
