I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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