if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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